This recipe does not require you to marinate. Substitutions can be made for a more traditional taco (sub cilantro/onion for pico, add shredded/pulverized fresh garlic to ranch for siiick flavor, etc.).

The intent here is to generate either a meal for a small gathering, or to prep an easy, fucking delicious meal to thow in yr fridge that will definitely get noshed on before you're like, "Aww maaan I totally forgot to squeeze these limes in my late-stage capitalism microplastic water (brought to you by plastic subsidies)."

So if you're into that you better fucking have a chef hat handy because no one wants to make out with a chef that isn't wearing one of those stupid fucking hot-ass hats.

Buckle up big boy, you think you can cook in the big leagues? Think again. This recipe's gonna be your lunch, then eat your lunch because—

. . . wait, oh yeah, no the point of this recipe is that it's easy as fuck if you have a little extra time, and you could potentially enjoy the fruits of your labor for four or so more meals if your goddamn houseguest Charles doesn't stop woofing the tacos down like they're the finger foods at a tuxedo party for dogs.

***

One other thing—I grew up eating corn tortillas that crumble and fall apart whenever taco fillings even looked at them. If you understand what I’m talking about, it’s because you, too have been subject to eating undercooked tortillas. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that there’s a way to get restaurant-quality corn tortillas at home. Mealtime is about to get verrrry kinky…

don't fuck this up

(psst – you can't)

• don't fuck this up (psst – you can't) •

This recipe is currently under review, and may require you to use your noggin’ a li'l bit when it comes to the proportions until the chefs at MOHAYNOW have had the opportunity to test those set forth below. Don’t worry, we trust you. If the food turns out poorly, we put this little paragraph here for you to be able to point at and cast blame upon, but buck up there, and summon your inner she-wolf. It’s time to prepare bird meat!

This bulk recipe can go in the fridge or the freezer. Be sure to observe safe food temperatures, and to label the food with the date when you put it away. Chicken will be good for one week after prep in the fridge, and 2 months in the freezer.

needs:

• 2 chicken breast
• corn tortillas (at least 24ct.)
• shredded monterrey jack cheese
• feta cheese
• ken's buttermilk ranch dressing
• pico de gallo (check your grocer’s deli)
• 1 tbsp garlic powder
• 2 tsp (smoked) paprika
• 2 tsp cayenne pepper
• light olive oil or peanut oil
• 10-14 oz Texas Pete (sub any vinegar-based hot sauce)
• Limes

Please read instructions in full before beginning. This recipe makes use of down time by preparing tortillas while awaiting the next step.

la pollito

Since you’re doing a fun cooking thing, you should probably put on some mohaynow which is a fun thing for your ears to do.
While bringing enough water to cover both chicken breasts to a low boil, remove the tendons from both chicken breasts.
Boil chicken breasts until just cooked. (12-18 minutes) *While boiling chicken breasts, begin prepping corn tortillas.
Remove chicken from boiling water, and place on a clean cutting board to cool. (4-6 minutes)
Shred chicken with the back of a fork, and a table knife. Place the knife on the chicken breast to stabilize it, then with your dominant hand, drag the fork firmly across the chicken breast so that it begins to fray. Continue this process until both breasts are shredded. (In this step, be careful to keep your hands in “typing” position so as to avoid any carpel tunnel injury—it’s happened to me!)
Pour most of the water into another container.
To cooled pan, add 1 tbsp light olive oil, shredded chicken, and appx. 10-14 ounces (this should feel like a lot) of Texas Pete
After ensuring there is enough liquid to mostly cover the shredded chicken when it returns to the pan, you may place the remaining stock in the freezer (for soup!). If the chicken is not fully covered, pour some stock back in from the additional container.
Add 2 tsp. cayenne pepper.
Add 1 tbsp garlic powder.
Add 2 tsp (smoked) paprika.
Cover.
Simmer on low/med-low for 10-20 minutes. Stir periodically.*
After simmering, move off of heat, or leave on low heat if you plan to dine before putting things away.
Slice limes in wedge shapes to squeeze on individual tacos

*tortillas

It is recommended to try cooking a couple tortillas before getting started altogether. The speed of this recipe does cause you to be able to spin a few tasks at once. If you do not feel comfortable multitasking, it’s okay to cook the tortillas beforehand, and keep them warm in some towels in a microwave, or some other suitable receptacle. Note: this will not work with tortillas de harina (flour).

Prepare two plates with (paper) towels to keep the tortillas warm. Make sure to have a towel on the bottom, and a towel on top to absorb the steam, and keep the tortillas from getting soggy (ew!).
In a skillet, drizzle about a teaspoon of oil on medium/low.
Even the oil out in the skillet with þe olde spatula.
Take one or two tortillas (however many will fit in your skillet), and run them under the faucet or dip them in a bowl of water (insane, I know).
Let the water drip off a bit.
With your spatula ready, place the tortillas in the pan (or just throw it in there).
Immediately flip the tortillas a couple of times each to avoid having them stick to the pan.
Once the tortillas are steaming, and have been in the pan for at least 10 or so seconds, remove them from the pan, and place them between the (paper) towels in the plates.
Repeat steps 2 - 9 until you have enough tortillas to shake a stick at. For tacos with double corn tortillas, make enough tortillas to shake two sticks at.

to serve:

Place (double) tortilla(s).
Place a thin stripe of ranch dressing on the tortilla.
Place a pinch of monterrey jack cheese.
Place 1 tbsp of la pollito.
Add pico de gallo.
Sprinkle feta cheese.
Place lime on the side.
Enjoy solo or with a friend!

Pollito was the nickname given to me by the lead line cook when I worked at a particular fish taco monger. This nickname made me feel accepted in the kitchen as the only gringo on the breakfast shift. This kitchen is where I learned this recipe, and also where I learned to use a good deal of the spanish vocabulary that I accumulated over the years.

¡Gracias a ustedes por cocinando conmigo, Pollito!

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Tacos Pollitos